Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
