i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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