as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
