Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
