Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
