No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
