This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
