I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Randomize
