"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
