i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
