3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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