The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
