The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
