Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
