the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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