You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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