It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
