Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
