It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
