I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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