That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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