My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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