I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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