i already hear my dad disowning me
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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