I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
