i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I need moral support for this bender
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
