Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
