wrigley field is MILF paradise
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
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