the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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