sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
