Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Randomize
