nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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