im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
