i'm signing you up for texting rehab
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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