I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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