i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
