Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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