Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
