did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
