Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
