One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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