remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
