"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
