girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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