I will die if light touches me.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
