Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
