Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
this hospital has no fireball
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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