I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
