oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
