I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
