I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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