Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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