she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
